Story of Emotional Pain

From our earliest memories, we've all felt the sting of losing something dear. As children, it might have been as simple as a broken toy, a dropped ice cream cone, or a rainy day ruining our plans for the park. As we grow, we develop attachments to things and people around us, seeking happiness in these connections. Our favorite pet, the joy of a chocolate cake, a coffee at our favorite café, moments with loved ones by the beach—all these become part of who we are.

Our identities form around these attachments, whether they're to material things or relationships. We call ourselves hikers, parents, mentors, students—the list goes on. Some of these identities are fleeting, while others are deeply entrenched. When we lose something tied to a strong identity, the pain can be intense and long-lasting. Losing a pet as a child might bring temporary sadness, but as a teenager or adult, it can leave a lasting ache.

Relationships, especially familial ones, contribute significantly to our identities. Losing a child in battle, for instance, not only means losing a loved one but also shatters the identity of being a parent. It's a pain that cuts deep, forged over years of nurturing that bond.

Then there's the universal pain we all fear: death. It's the ultimate loss, stripping away everything we've built to become who we are. The thought of losing it all, leaving behind our material selves, is terrifying. In Indian scriptures, the pain of death is likened to being stung by 65,000 scorpions simultaneously—a metaphor for its excruciating magnitude.

There are simple ways to prepare yourself for this ultimate pain of life. If we consciously start de-identifying the material things from our lives, it could make the baggage of identity lighter. In simple words, every year try to identify something which is close to you and try to give it up. It could be as small as your favorite dessert or one of your vices. We make resolutions at the start of the year and similarly could make a small sacrifice ritual as a part of it. If you can follow it for the whole year, you most likely can live without it forever. If it’s tough for a year, start small. The modern trends like ‘dry January’ are actually trying to do exact same thing. If the sacrifice you are doing is of vices like drinking, it surely has good health benefits as well.

In Indian traditions there is a common practice, that when you lose a dear one, you give up something you like (or common likes) for a year or even for a lifetime. As a kid, I used to wonder why we do this. Why do we give up something close to our hearts when we already lost someone very dear to us? I could connect the dots now! This tradition is just helping people break their attachments to external sensory pleasure material things. We don’t need to wait for someone to die to give up something, we can practice it mindfully every year.

You can only enjoy any journey if you are not in pain. As they say – life is a journey, and so is death. Such small steps will help lessen the pain along the way. You don’t want to start the journey beyond this material body with ultimate pain, that journey won’t be enjoyable.